Welcome to a new features column: Beyond the Bean, where I visit, taste and review coffee shops. Only, I don’t drink coffee. Not at all; and yes, not even with cream or sugar or cold foam or any of those crazy syrups y’all order. Whether that’s a vice or a virtue is up to you to decide, but I’m working with what I’ve got.
Some of you may remember the Coffee Chat column that used to run in this section up until last year when its author, Rex Karjian ‘26, graduated. In his last edition for The Catalyst, Karjian covered CC’s Susie B’s Cafe. In honor of that column and some great recommendations that graced the pages of this newspaper, I will start where Karjian left off: the third floor of Tutt Library.
As someone who hates coffee, there is only one way to objectively grade a coffee shop — by its hot chocolate quality. Therefore, for the purposes of this column, let’s break down my hot chocolate review index. If the index is below 60, I will not be returning to the establishment reviewed. If it is below 50, you can stop reading. Kidding. Don’t stop reading, but proceed with caution.
Now, I don’t play about my hot chocolate, especially not during the academic week. If I’m getting some on a random day, it better get me through the rough morning or the late night where I skipped dinner. I want it to be warm, smooth, filling, but not nauseating. Susie B’s hot chocolate is just that. I get this stuff when I’m running late to class and I’m so sleepy that nothing looks appetizing just yet. I get it during my class break, even if I have to haul myself across campus because I’m probably still very sleepy (can you tell that I have insomnia yet?). I get it just as Steve is about to close up because I need that sugar to blast through my work, which is, in fact, the exact situation that I am in at the moment of writing this.
To quote the greats: “Without further ado, let’s get into it below.”
Temperature: 8.5/10
Ready to drink in a minute or two. It doesn’t burn and if you pair it with some whipped cream, you can start drinking it right away.
Sweetness: 7/10
Perhaps it’s the bland palate of the Eastern European in me, but most hot chocolates are too sweet for me. As a regular at Susie B’s, I have my hot chocolate order down and it always starts with “make it half-sweet.” I have no idea what makes it half-sweet but the Susie B’s employees get it and I will remain grateful and oblivious.
Chocolatiness: 7/10
Now this one is tricky. Hot chocolate, by definition, requires melted chocolate. The drink most often marketed as “hot chocolate” is actually hot cocoa that uses cocoa powder. Regardless of the terminology, Susie B’s “hot chocolate” is a good balance of chocolate’s sweetness and bitterness. Whatever you are looking for, this is a good middle ground.
Creaminess: 7/10
The legend is that the creaminess of hot chocolate depends entirely on the type of milk or cream used. Going with the safe bet of regular whole milk, this hot chocolate sits at a solid 7 for how good it delivers despite being cheap and easy to make.
Bitterness: 8/10
No bitterness throughout the drink, but some at the very bottom of the cup.
Toppings options: 6/10
Whipped cream, marshmallows, what else could you want?
Service: 8/10
Quick and on-point: exactly what I need on a busy weekday and the experience Susie B’s has with the student body only shows how much they understand this sentiment.
Price: 9.5/10
Let’s agree that having a fresh hot chocolate for your meal plan money is a steal.
Wait time: 7/10
If you order alone for a late-night study session, I would expect no more than a three-minute wait time. If you dare to come in between 10:15 a.m. and 10:45 a.m. when everyone is taking their class break, be prepared to walk away empty-handed or come up with a way to run with a hot cup across campus.
Special tricks: 5/10
Some coffee shops add a pinch of salt or a touch of butter to their hot chocolate recipe. Susie B’s didn’t surprise with any non-traditional techniques and I was honestly glad to have something stable and predictable for once.
Overall: 73
Verdict: In conclusion, Susie B’s has a great, budget-friendly, accessible, straightforward hot chocolate option that is there to delight your non-caffeinated morning or fall vibe shift.