OCT 24, 2024 | OPINION | By Asa Gartrell
As a luminary of the meat pundit field, I rarely encounter a burger that leaves me with more questions than answers. To eat is to put doubt and longing to bed, is it not? Well, after a hearty fillup at Santana’s Vegan Grill, I was left wondering: If you hope to take the beef out of the burger, what are the goals of translation?
I hope this review isn’t too controversial back at HQ.
In Santana’s late-stage-capitalist dreamworld, the carnally disinclined can finally enjoy the seduction of a quick n’ dirty burg.’ However, prepare to leave your moral high ground in the parking lot because these burgers are far from farm to table. I challenge you to find another vegan joint that airs Jay Leno’s garage. Following the three herbivores in my company, I slapped down my boodle on the deluxe bacon cheese and a house-pulped lemonade. The kitchen had my piece out in seconds.
Mmm! The lettuce, ‘maters and onions politely accommodated the ersatz bacon, beef and che’ to make a downright decent sandwich. Rounded out with a generous swipe of hand-cranked ketchup, this little heap was suspiciously tasty. I could feel a cleansing of the doors of perception as my tongue — beaten to submission from years of meat-washing — explored a new genre of the classic burger. It may have traveled thousands of miles from a food laboratory in Calif. to get inside my gullet, but vegans deserve sin too. And they put beans on fries?! Yes please, thank you, I’ll take another.
On the whole, I’d liken Santana’s Facon Boof n Che to the 1980 all-electric Comuta-Car; it didn’t go as far as saving the world, but it offered a solid alternative to the status quo. I’ll spare my reservations about Santana’s dubious decorative choices. My best to you and yours.
1980 Comuta-Car. Image courtesy of Designboom