April 11, 2024 | FEATURES | By Tia Peterson and Izzy Roe
Welcome back to Beer for Babes! This is a very special week with TWO whole guests and (drumroll please) we are finally writing the article drunk for the first time. So thank you to our editor Esa for catching all of our drunk typos. This week’s beer is a pink guava colada and it is polarizing the group right now. Both Izzy and Tesha (one of our guests) kinda like it and think it’s refreshing, but Tia and Ben disagree (they are wrong). It’s a fruity little sour, and it’s a perfect spring beer. But it has a lot going on in one little can.
What a time in history — the babes have a HUGE disagreement. I think (it’s me, Tia, with the more refined palate due to my older age) that this beer is godawful. I hate it. It feels like I’m rotting from the inside out due to the rot that is considered flavor. Whoever made this beer: fuck you. I am sick (literally) to my stomach. Everything is disgusting and wrong and life has no meaning. This reminds me of 2014 when white women would go to the beach and cover themselves in coconut oil to tan. Even an antacid couldn’t help this.
It’s me again (Izzy), and I want to refute Tia’s point by saying that my palate isn’t jaded and too old, so it enjoys the fresh taste of a new beer. But, anyway, I’m having a great time, the can is fun and crazy, and that is how we are trying to be.
If a beer makes you shit your pants (multiple times) would you like it? Let’s use our judgment here: it could always be used as a laxative which some see as a plus.
This is us (the guests), and this beer has been an experience. In terms of pairings, I would say a toilet and a wet rag, as it tastes like vomit and makes you want to do the same. Quick insertion here from guest number two: my take is drastically different. The taste is a summery pairing, perfect, with an innate desire for gossip. The coconut flavor lingers like the rancid taste of stepmothers fueling that beautiful urge to shit talk, as it tastes like shit ever so slightly.
Signing off for now, we love you all, goodnight. We really want your feedback. Someone, please write to us and let us know what you think.
