March 28, 2024 | FEATURES | By Theo Tannahill and Mason Foard
We hope everyone’s spring break was full of rest, relaxation, and a healthy amount of wine or, alternatively, tequila and rum. Shockingly, we were unable to taste a single drop of wine during our vacation to a remote island in Belize. It was crushing to find such a limited selection in the convenience stores of San Pedro, and we practically fell to our knees in wrenching disappointment. Our lives are so hard. We barely survived off rum punches and frozen coconut mojitos.
Anyway, this week, we reviewed a wine that had been sitting in our wine cellar (kitchen counter) for a very long time — almost a whole 20 days. In a shocking turn of events, we did not purchase this bottle from Coaltrain Fine Wines. Believe it or not, this ‘vinho’ was hand-delivered to us from Portugal by Mason. Why was Mason in Portugal, you may ask? Obviously, he was recording a radio podcast about a three-day Bitcoin conference on the lush mountainous island of Madeira. Why else would he be there? Along with thousands of Satoshis, he brought back multiple new contributions to our cellar, each wrapped with numerous pairs of dress socks to protect against possible suitcase-inflicted violence. Some of which we will review, some of which we will savor. Stay tuned.
This week, we took the socks off (maybe off the bottles — maybe off our feet) and revealed the Terras do Avô Grande Escolha Tinto 2016. Immediately, this wine intrigued us. It is produced on steep coastal vineyards which are exposed to the tropical Madeira climate. These sloping vineyards require heavy manual labor and delicate attention to detail, and they most certainly yield wine reflective of that intense labor. Many of the vineyards are adjacent to banana plantations, only a few hundred feet above crashing Atlantic waves. It is quite a unique wine-growing region, to say the least.
Secondly, the island of Madeira is famous not for its traditional wine, but for the self-named Madeira, better known as Port — which is a wine that has been fortified with a spirit and heated to create a sweeter, high-alcohol content dessert wine. These methods were invented to prevent wine spoilage on the maritime journey from mainland Portugal to the more tropical and humid Madeira. Wow! Now, you may be wondering why we didn’t review a Port. Well, if we are being candid, we didn’t want to drink 20% wine on a Monday night after a week of belligerent rum punch consumption. Logically, we opted for the 13% table red wine –– which Madeira has only started to produce on a regular basis commercially within the past 10 years.
The wine’s unique viticulture and its hand-drawn label, which depicts an older man’s face melting into sober red abstractionism, was enough to give us the strength to polish this bottle off on a chilly Monday even. We had help, of course, from a Southern Belle and a British man whom we had only met the day prior. No, this isn’t an “accidental Bronson” (if you know you know). This is an average Three Bros wine tasting.
On the nose, this wine brought on a certain nostalgia for a French breakfast. Coffee, chocolate and tobacco. It was smokey and oaky but still maintained solid fruit aromas, especially black cherry. Nestled within the smoke was a nutmeg and cinnamon-laden element, reminiscent of the Portuguese colonial monopoly on the European spice trade and Madeira’s huge influence as a mid-Atlantic port. Maybe the spice-infused soil of Madeira transported that flavor through the vines into the fruit? Or maybe Theo read a little bit too much of the pretentious French wine-tasting book over spring break.
Upon first taste, we simply weren’t amazed. It was a solid red, with a big body and robust tannins, but it wasn’t exceptional. It felt very classical, almost French, and was not the unique blend we were expecting with such a compelling background. The acidity and dryness were at similar levels, and it had a nice grippy bite that was complemented well by a compote-like plum and raisin-y flavor. It did feel fresh for a 2016 wine, as the age showed more in the smoky aroma than the taste itself. It was decently complex for a bottle that went for 25 Euros, and it felt like a wine crafted with care and traditional methods. It was very solid, yet it did not meet our expectations of cerebral implosion. Maybe that was our fault. We are constantly both swayed and constrained by the mental constructions of foreign novelty and aesthetic presentation. So sad.
Considering this wine is probably unavailable anywhere in the U.S., we wouldn’t necessarily recommend the arduous journey to Madeira to purchase a bottle. If there is another Bitcoin conference, though, you should probably swing by.
Final Ranking: 76/100.
“Blowin’ Euros on the vinho, don’t have room in the suitcase – have to leave behind a pair of chinos.” – Mason
-Three Bros