April 14, 2023 | FEATURES | By Izzy Roe and Tia Peterson

Stone Hazy IPA

Local beer time babes. Just kidding – it’s from California. We picked wrong again. But you know what – it was delicious, sold in Colorado, and so, whatever.

In our humble opinion, it’s probably the yummiest beer we’ve had so far. A 6.7% hazy IPA. An amazingly hazy IPA. Nectar of the beer goddesses. 


This Stone Hazy IPA can, as you can tell from our awesome drawing, is gorgeous. It is groovy, gay, and the gargoyle is sick. It’s also the reason why this is not a local beer. How could you pay attention to anything but this sexually charged gargoyle? We were so hypnotized by the can that we almost forgot our task: finish three beers in one hour. The gargoyle just goes way too hard, okay? Buy this beer for the can. Also, it happens to be good. 

Now to the taste, wow. This is like drinking from the fountain of youth (with like oranges soaking in it maybe). Although it was delicious, it got harder and harder to drink after the first can. We went from loving our lives to feeling like our tummies might implode. Our tummies felt like they had a little demon running around in them.

Don’t chug this beer, sip it, enjoy it, take your time – motion of the ocean type of vibe with this one. We were burping up a storm. We haven’t puked yet from writing one of these articles, but for some reason, we were close with this one. 

For a little bit of context, we played a game some of you might know called fishbowl. The game started off tame but as we got onto the next couple beers, the charades portion turned into both of us flailing our bodies around and no one understanding us. This is why we concluded that the best pairing with this beer is games. No one else is going to enjoy playing games with us during a beer review again, but we love it.

For our final remarks, we encourage you to drink this beer all the time. Before class, before lab, before meeting your significant other’s parents. You should especially drink this beer during the day on Tava quad. We see you shirtless pale skater (wannabe?) boys sitting out there. Get a Stone Hazy IPA in your hand. Certified chick magnet.

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