March 3, 2023 | FEATURES | By Tia Peterson and Izzy Roe
BURP TALLY: II
Welcome to the first edition of our weekly feature Beer for Babes! In this feature, we buy a six-pack of locally crafted beer and rate them using our very own categories. We try it so you don’t have to… although you should. Stay tuned for beer suggestions, pairings, and fun.
The rules are simple: we drink three beers, each in one hour, including chugging the second one. The rating is based on the beer’s cost, can aesthetic, taste, how drunk we get, chugability, burpiness, and how it makes us feel. After the three cans, we draw a picture of the beer so you know what to look for in stores. Without further ado, here’s what we thought about Pikes Peak Brewing Company’s “Ocean of Clouds” six-percent-proof Hazy IPA.
To start off, we judge a book by the cover, or a beer by the can in this case. This can was gorgeous, and basically the aesthetic of a middle-aged man that just moved to Colorado. It was complete with topo lines, natural colors, and asked if we wanted beta on our climb.
The taste was yummy, incredible, and delicious. We like IPAs as much as the next Colorado College student, so if IPAs aren’t your thing, probably steer clear and consider transferring. This beer was perfectly named: a very light, mellow flavor with minimal carbonation. It was fruity, not in the way CC students are, but like how fruit tastes. Really refreshing and juicy. Good to sip on. This is definitely a sipper!
Time for chugability… do not chug this beer. We don’t usually chug our IPAs, but we had to stick to the rules we had laid out before an IPA was chosen. Girls of our word. Anyway, we got through maybe half the can before deciding that we would not survive the rest of it.
Call us weak, we don’t care. If you want to chug a Pikes Peak Brewing Company’s “Ocean of Clouds” six percent Hazy IPA, be our guest. Freak.
Now for the fancy suckers out there: the pairings. Strangely enough Chicken Tikka Masala pairs pretty well with it. Don’t ask me why because we can’t explain it. I didn’t actually try this one, but I think fried chicken would go great with it. THIS DOES NOT PAIR WITH QUADRATINIS. But it does pair well with Girl Scouts thin mints (get the on-brand ones and support our troops).
Now for the exciting part: how drunk we got. For each beer we drank, we paused and recorded how drunk we got. After the first beer, we were feeling good but not quite drunk. We were excited to crack open the second. The second one is where things got a little spicy. We were definitely getting loose, as some would put it, and were really feeling it in the head. The third beer is where everything took a turn.
We went from drunk, but fine, to drunk drunk. After the third beer, drawing the can became a challenge. It was almost as if we were climbing Mt. Everest — don’t worry, the can tried to give us some pointers on our technique. Despite all odds, we succeeded and drew the beautiful image we all know and love.
Finally, our closing remarks. We started drinking at precisely 8:06 p.m. and finished at 9:04 p.m. This locally brewed beer costs only $10.81 for a six-pack at Weber Street Liquor. Save money, live better: Weber.
If you aren’t a fan of IPAs, they have several other flavors. After the third can, we had a wonderful idea to email the brewery. Not expecting a response, we were elated when they responded just an hour and 14 minutes later. Stay tuned for a special edition next week, where we tour the brewery and talk to the guys who made this delicious elixir.
Overall, we give this beer a 4.7 out of 5, only deducting points for its lack of chugability.