May 6, 2022 | ACTIVE LIFE | By Amelia Allen | Illustration by Sydney Morris

It’s Block 8, so it’s the perfect time to develop a plan of action to get the attention of that person you’ve been pining over for the last few weeks. Seniors, I hope you’ve already got the block crush seduction method down. But as for you first-years, here’s the tool kit you’ve been waiting for, the class you’ve always wanted to take in college but isn’t offered, the panty-dropping wombo-combo you can write down on a piece of paper and take everywhere you go.

  1. Give ‘em the ole razzle dazzle. Stick out.

Seeking attention? Time to don those neon socks you’ve been saving since sixth grade. It’s never too late for a makeover. Now’s your chance to wear that hat that’s been waiting on your preppy, skater, goth, etc. alter ego to take over for a day. Bring out the fedoras!

  • Announce your next destination right before class ends.

Eg. (for the casual courter)

You: “Hey, are you headed to Rastalls?”

Your block crush: “Yeah!”

Eg. (for the bolder type)

You: “I’m headed to my apartment on East Campus right now and will be there until 1:00 p.m. if you would like to join me and make out.”

Your block crush: “Sounds great, I’ll meet you there in 15!”

  • Flex your intellectual prowess

Now, this can be as simple as speaking up in class, but if you really want to woo the apple of your eye, I suggest a more sleuth-like approach.

Take notes on their academic interests. Affordable housing? Nietzsche? Transfer RNA? Write that shit down!

Do deep research into a niche topic related to your class.

Pretend you’re about to do something really, really great in your area of study.

Eg. You: “Yeah, I’m proposing to write a dissertation on the epistemological and ontological implications of 18th-century nail painting in eastern Mongolia.”

Your block crush: “Woah, way cool, hottie!”

  • Be mysterious, but not too mysterious.

Wear sunglasses to class one day. Wear regular glasses the next day. Wear no glasses at all after that. Your block crush will be scratching their head–what’s up with this person’s eyes, and how can I get them on me?

  • Stalk their Spotify playlists and listen to their favorite songs/bands in your headphones as you arrive to class, during break, or as you’re leaving class.

Ah, music. The window to the soul, a way to tug at the heartstrings of your object of desire. Allow me to set the scene: you’re jamming out, totally cool, in your own world. Suddenly, you hear a voice.

Your block crush: “What are you listening to?”

You: “Why, “thank you so much for asking, I’m listening to this experimental electronic artist called Mk.gee.”

Your block crush: “No way, I just discovered them this week! They’re so good.”

You: “What a crazy coincidence!”

These five simple steps are the tools, ladies and gentlemen. Now go forth and woo!

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