By Georgia Grellier | Illustration by Jubilee Hernandez
For the last ever Story Time with Georgia, I spammed the CC Seniors 2020 Facebook group and several group chats with requests for the most mortifying or awkward or funny or stupid moments from the past four-ish years, anonymous or not. As often happens with texts from random unknown numbers, the messages I received did not disappoint. From members of the class of 2020 to you, here are eight semesters worth of mistakes to learn from, liberal arts style. Goodbye, CC — you’ll probably miss us, you definitely won’t forget us, and if you’re not careful, you might turn out just like us.
Who: Seniors
When: The past four years
What: Antics [all anonymous unless otherwise specified; some are condensed, but I don’t know how to format that]
“I flooded three floors of Barnes with deionized water … twice.”
“Freshman year, a friend and I made a list of people in our hall who we thought would make good couples, and wrote it down on a sheet of paper for fun. The list was more or less just a joke, but it had me with my RA as well as a number of other embarrassing ones and some that actually ended up becoming true. Then someone found the list and everyone in our hall saw it… so embarrassing.”
“I got so drunk at Homecoming this year that I grinded with an alumnus from the class of ’99.”
“Freshman year Blues and Shoes I was hammered and walked up to a cute girl to flirt with her only to realize it was my Russian professor.”
“Left the gym after five minutes because I was too high and almost fell off the elliptical.”
“Something I did was accidentally shave off half my eyebrow. Well, I was doing my own eyebrows, you know, cleaning them up, and I don’t know what compelled me but for some reason, I took the face shaver and ran it over my eyebrow and POOF half of my eyebrow was gone. Lol it grew back nicely though but when it happened my roommates couldn’t help but laugh at me.”
“Start a meme page.” – Edgar Israel Santos
“While in class, a girl loudly asked me if I had a nipple piercing. I made direct eye contact with the professor before responding ‘Yes, I do.’”
“I accidentally DMed a girl that she and her sister are hot when I thought I was telling my friend.”
“My sweet Winter Start roommate moved into college and the first weekend was Winter Ball. I proceeded to profusely vomit in my sleep, which made her wake up to check on me. I insisted I was O.K. and needed to sleep in my vomit, only to wake up the next morning mortified with a ruined white duvet cover.”
“Stood on the Rastall tables blackout after Winter Ball trying to start a sing along with everyone.”
“I fell face-first out of my lofted bed reaching for a can of Pringles.”
“One night I was at a house party and trying to impress a few people, so I decided to do a split. The first split went very well so I decided to do another one, but my knee was not on board with that and immediately dislocated. I collapsed on the floor yelling while everyone was still dancing around me. I went to the emergency room and eventually had to get surgery. Everyone who saw me on crutches over the next few weeks assumed I’d injured myself skiing or playing sports, and I had to explain no, I just was really into dancing to “Starboy.” Just think about the scene in the office when Andy tried to do a split … it was a similar situation.”
“Asked out my senior crush tripping balls at Llama and he told me he had a girlfriend.”
“This random boy had a seizure in my bed while I was blackout making hash browns nearby in the kitchen and I didn’t know it happened until the next day. My roommate hooked up with him a couple months later.”
“I once got a nosebleed on my girlfriend’s face the first time we hooked up.” – Finlay Bressler
“Upon returning to my dorm from the first ever classy Wednesday festivities freshman year, I went to the kitchen on my floor and wanted to make some tea. But I put the hot water heater directly on the stove instead of its electric pad and melted the plastic.” – Ben Singer
“Lost my virginity to a guy solely because he had a bird feeder.”
“Literally on the second to last day of school freshman year, my friends and I smoked a blunt in the third-floor communal area of Mathias. It was late and we were about to go out, so we thought we’d get away easily. Little did we know, a second floor RA brushed his teeth around the time we were smoking. He walked in and after a second we realized he was an RA. Thankfully, most of us booked it out of there. Unfortunately, two of my friends were caught and got put on probation! It’s embarrassing because not only do I feel bad, but it was one of the first times my friend had smoked and he took the fall for it. He no longer is our friend and rightfully so.”
“Washed my hands in a urinal.”
“Any of the volleyball games.”