By Georgia Grellier
Who: Seniors clearly love to be anonymous, so we’ll call this one “Hannah”.
When: Senior year, but in high school.
As health class teachers and exasperated parents often tell their adolescent students and children, the things that seem like a huge deal when you’re a teenager often actually aren’t. Of course, when you’re not allowed to go to that party and an authority figure tries to placate you with exactly that wisdom, you might just feel even more strongly about your cause. Clearly, they failed to understand that your life would be OVER (forever) if you didn’t make an appearance (even if your life was actually completely the same afterwards).
Most of us find that, although infuriating at the time, those adults who told us about what’s important and what isn’t have fortunately turned out to be right. And yet, despite having had to endure several years of hormonal stress and caring what other people think of you, this period of angst can definitely have its upside — holding a disproportionate amount of concern for your social status or the existence of your rival school tends to breed good stories of shenanigans, antics and a few solid embarrassing moments.
This week, “Hannah” ’20, who realized that this column is Google-able and that she’d rather be anonymous and employed than a low-level of CC famous, recounted the time a high school volleyball became the site of a revenge plot.
This was not your standard volleyball game at Hannah’s high school: her school’s team was playing against their rival high school, and although she herself didn’t play, she attended anyway. She wanted to show support, but in truth was there to execute a plan.
Playing for the other team was “Josh,” her close friend’s former hook-up who had landed himself on Hannah’s friend group’s bad side when he “kinda screwed her over ” by abruptly ending their non-relationship romance for another girl. Naturally, the group felt strongly that revenge was necessary.
They were patient with their planning, waiting until game day arrived to act. Josh was in their gym, and they knew it would be the perfect opportunity to remind (or maybe teach) him to be nicer to the people with whom he swapped spit. Since their own school’s volleyball team provided water, the beginning of the operation entailed the four girls snagging one plastic bottle apiece. They waited until Josh wasn’t playing, and upon seeing him off the court, one of the four individually approached him and wordlessly handed him her bottle. As the game continued, two of the other girls also approached him when he wasn’t playing, also giving him their bottles.
While he did seem very confused, he was also definitely suspicious, because your ex-hook-up’s friends inexplicably handing you plastic water bottles is never a good sign.
Finally, the game ended and it was time for the fourth participant to play her part. She approached Josh with a last water bottle. Although he might have thought he was familiar with the routine at this point, no plastic bottle was handed to him. Rather, for the grand finale, this unspecified fourth friend — Hannah will not tell — made direct eye contact and dumped the bottle on his head, exclaiming “BECAUSE YOU’RE SO THIRSTY” before escaping.
As Hannah reflected on the sick burn they delivered, she lamented that “he wasn’t mad about having ample water,” which makes sense given that he was participating in an athletic event for most of that time. That issue aside, she firmly believes that there is a broader lesson to be learned here: “The moral of the story is, stay hydrated, but not too hydrated.”
Duly noted, Hannah, duly noted.
Takeaway: Volleyball games can be excellent events for revenge plots. Stay safe out there.