Welcome back to Story Time with Georgia, where I relay odd little tales from members of the Colorado College community. Over the next few months, I urge you to have a weird interaction on a bus or go metal detecting or do something else of that nature, and then remember it very well in your brain to tell me about later. 

Who: Me

When: Half Block 2019

What: Big Old Tutt Breakup

As the time comes for almost all Colorado College students to have their own breakups with Tutt Library for the summer, I’m at last ready to relay a third-floor story known only to me, two fellow students whose names I do not know, my half-block class, and my Snapchat friends.

It was Monday, Jan. 14 — just one month before Valentine’s Day, a holiday the couple would not survive to celebrate together, because they broke up (spoiler alert). I was steeped in regret about taking my class for a grade instead of Pass/Fail and wandered up to the third floor of Tutt to do some actual homework, where I was one of just three students. 

I opened my laptop at one of the long tables from which I could look down to the second floor, expecting some peace and quiet in my sad, grade-track life. 

As you can imagine, I was very dismayed when my inner thoughts were almost immediately interrupted by the sound of a hand slamming on a table. From a quick swivel in my spinny chair, I identified the cause of the disturbance: a heterosexual couple I hadn’t initially seen and who I later inferred go by “Sarah” and “John.” The two sat side-by-side, both facing forward at the far end of my table with a big, aromatic, cardboard pizza box in front of them. 

“I never brought Melinda the coffee,” Sarah exclaimed and slammed the table with her hand. 

Obviously, I was very excited to witness some drama and subtly peered over. John sat with his head on the desk and murmured some response, while Sarah had his phone in her hands. A long period of silence followed as our detective scrolled through his texts, but fret not, I didn’t want to do my work so I continued to pay very close attention. 

“You said you were at your mom’s house the whole night, yet at two o’clock in the morning you got this text from Randy,” Sarah announced after several minutes. John started to mutter a response, but Sarah wasn’t messing around and has a great prosecutor voice. “You said you were at your mom’s house,” she said.  “You were either there or at your mom’s house.” 

As evidence that he was, in fact, with his mother, John called up “Randy,” who he proved he was speaking to by repeatedly saying things like, “Thanks, Randy!” and “Sounds good, Randy!” and “Alright, talk to ya later, Randy,” over the course of a conversation that lasted maybe two minutes. Sarah wasn’t convinced and decided to get straight to the source.

“Let’s call Melinda,” Sarah said to John. She put the phone on speaker —which I — as a spectator, appreciated immensely, and after a few rings, the call was picked up. Sarah immediately said “Hello?” — which was met with silence as she repeated herself. John was definitely cheating.

The weirdest thing about the whole saga was when the two suddenly stopped fighting and were like, “This is a nice library!” as if they’d had no idea where they were the entire time, even though they were on the third floor with a pizza they didn’t even eat. Sarah, if you’re out there, you deserve better, and John was absolutely not at his mom’s house. Also, have you thought about pursuing a J.D.?

Takeaway: If you ever take a Snap video of this type of thing, you should spit out your gum first.  

Illustration By Lee O’Dowd

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