Similar to how the parents and kids dine at separate tables during Thanksgiving night, two leagues were created in intramural hockey to separate the drunken folly of the unskilled amateur from the semi-professionalism of the seasoned skater. For the 2015 hockey IM season, only 6 of the 22 teams are in the latter league—and though the team count is diminutive, the competition will be all the tighter.
The six original teams include Mind Over Body, Red Scare, No Pucks Given, The Toe Dragons, DFFB on Ice, and last year’s intermediate league champions, The Swamp Donkeys.
The Swamp Donkeys, led by team captain Lee Junkin, have a tough, yet surprisingly philosophical style of play. Junkin, when asked to describe his team, responded that they are a team of “grinders, with some flash”. Team member Charlie Russell said, “We will be experimenting with new character modes during each of our games. One game – stoicism, the next – mysticism, so on and so forth.”
The Donkeys look to defend their title with last year’s core of players still intact, including Ian Round. Better known by his nickname “Meat Slut,” Round is the Donkey’s No. 1 player, according to Junkin.
The Donkey’s roster has been beefed up with the injection of club hockey talent in the form of the league’s self-described best player, Chris Liang, and junior forward Alex O’Neill. O’Neill, who is also recognized by many as one of the league’s finest members, relished the designation.
“It’s a true honor,” he said. “When praise such as this arises, it reminds us what sports are all about—individual achievement. My dominance is absolute. Insofar as team sports provide a platform for the individual to succeed, they are excellent, but as I see it, teamwork is no more than a byproduct.”
The Donkeys will suffer at least one major setback: junior Scott Macrae Broadbent’s forced removal from his former goalie position. The league’s rules are such that no player can be netminder for both the club hockey team and an intramural squad.
The DFFB (Dance Floor Finger Blasters) on Ice are likely the Donkey’s biggest obstacle to a repeat. Junkin called them “a real force in the intermediate league” and added that they have a couple of new ringers that could propel them to the top. A new team, led by Alison Takkunen, could also prove to be a top tier squad.
The Toe Dragons, a team comprised mostly of first-years, are no slobs themselves. Takkunen is convinced that her team has the right tools to go all the way. The Dragons have an almost unmatched level of experience with many male and female high school and club hockey players. Their best player, Gavin Ratliff, scored 7 of 10 goals on their first game. If the Dragons find success this season, it will be because of their no nonsense attitude. “Seneca [Griffin],” Takkunen said, “does not accept losing.”
If dark horses exist in hockey, it would appear this year’s candidate is Evan Meister. The young man from Los Angeles, playing for Semyon Varlamov & the St. Petersburg 12, will play in the beginner’s league, but according to his teammate Molly Scudder, “Evan Meister is hands-down the best player. That kid can really play.”
Acclaimed Intramural analyst Connor Haney remarked, “Meister, California’s prodigal son, measures about as tall as he is wide at a blistering 6-foot-2 250 pounds. Psychologically he is a wild card; intramural hockey has never seen the likes of Evan Meister. Of that much I can be sure.”
Is Evan Meister too good to play in the beginner league? Is he too good to play any IM sport at CC? Will this year be the year that a crippling scandal rocks the beloved Colorado College Intramural scene? Who knows? Certainly not me.
What I do know – this year’s hockey season will be strong. Strong and sleek like a stallion, yet uncoordinated like a newborn ape. Lastly, I asked Swamp Donkey O’Neill if he thinks the two leagues should combine to remedy the disproportionate number of intermediate versus beginner teams. “Of course,” he said. “I would love to unite the leagues… more oysters for me to shuck.”