It always comforts me to write. God knows I have not written in a while. I have been doing a lot of introspection lately, and I have come to a somewhat confusing conclusion on the direction my life is taking. I mean, I do know what I want to do with my life in the professional sense and all that, but I feel like I am deliberately avoiding consideration of the obvious question, perhaps the greatest question about my life. Am I transgender? Well, the simple answer is no. And the complicated answer involves explaining my growing contempt for the word and, let’s just say, labels in general. Let me elaborate.
I am not your conventional gay, slash transgender, slash whatever they have these days to categorize people so that the “normal” citizens’ lives make sense. See, I have much more important issues to deal with than to trying to navigate socially constructed categories that supposedly explain who I am. The sad part is that I am forced to think about whom I prefer to sleep with because it directly affects important issues I would otherwise have chosen to keep separate from my choice in sexual partners. My private life is not mine anymore because I only have to open my mouth or pick out the “wrong” outfit for people to pass judgment on my sexual preferences. I cannot get certain jobs because I am too feminine and that allegedly connotes my sexual preferences, therefore sealing my fate.
I am first a human being, second a human being, and third a human being – I think you get the point. Human beings are sexual creatures. God (or insert whatever floats your boat here) made us so. I cannot stress this enough. And so, whomever I choose to sleep with, walk with, laugh with, dance with, fondle with, or what-ever-there-is-to-do with is simply none of your business, or anybody else’s for that matter, unless it’s you who I am doing “IT” with, of course. And as to why I have to explain myself, defend myself, or even label myself to affirm your preconceptions of me or convince you otherwise, beats me. Like, whatever happened to privacy?
I am aware that we live in a global community that requires some sort of social conformity including labeling one’s sexual orientation to facilitate relationships, which then becomes one’s identity. What a sad society we live in, that we choose to prioritize something so private to define ourselves. Is it not enough that we were born anatomically male, female or, I don’t know, both? Why should anyone care what I choose to do with my genitalia? With whom I choose to stimulate it, or if I want it cut or enlarged? Please make me understand, because I don’t. I would like to believe we are above the whole sexual hierarchy thing, where we have sexual minorities and all that, but if you think about it, who created these sexual minorities? Why do they even exist? Why are we wasting so much time and money discussing what people do in the privacy of their homes, dorms, cars, Kappa Sig bathrooms, or whatever? I guess the point here is that it’s private. I repeat, it’s none of anybody’s business.