Hello, friends. My esteemed colleague, Hanson Smith, has fled to the mountains for this block, and as he has no access to the finest brews to review, he is unable to write for you this week.
Therefore, I have been tasked with imparting a small part of my (almost) limitless wisdom on you all. In lieu of any familiarity with the finer points of brew culture, I have decided to use this week’s article to assist you in subtle nuances of one of my favorite forms of imbibery, bottom-shelf whiskey.
As the name might suggest these are the bottles, residing nearest your shins as you stand in the southern-most aisle of Weber Liquor. The inexperienced drinker may try to tell you that these golden-brown gems “all taste the same” or worse—that they “are merely vodka with food coloring”, but I am here to tell you that this is inaccurate and downright insulting to those of us with distinguished, but economical, pallets.
Each of these wonderful liquors has its own distinct flavor medley, which makes them so uniquely delicious. Today we will be looking at my top three picks for your next contribution to Whiskey Monday.
Coming in third place is a tasty treat from our lovely neighbors to the north.
Distilled in Quebec, Black Velvet whiskey has strong biting flavor that says: “Maybe shot number two can wait a few minutes.” Despite its intensity at the onset, it has a remarkably smooth, sweet finish that always calls you back for more. Black Velvet is a blended whiskey, which means that it contains a fair amount of grain alcohol, but on the bright side, that means you get two different kinds of liquor, and two is always better than one.
My next pick is another Canadian brand that goes by the name of Canadian Hunter.
The label says it all; if you slap a picture of Chuck Norris holding back a couple of ferocious huskies, while slinging his rifle over his shoulder on anything, I’m going to buy it. Packaging aside, this burly whiskey is sure to keep you warm on those long winter nights as you take a load off in front of the fire in your leatherback chair, your faithful hound curled up on the freshly tanned bear skin rug. Canadian Hunter has a robust flavor, a kickin’ finish, and at 9 dollars for 750mL, this whiskey is the essence of bang for your buck.
Last, but certainly not least, my number one pick is a new addition to the shelves, and believe it or not, this spirit comes in a can. That’s right ladies and gentlemen: it’s Scotch in a can. Made by Scottish Spirits, this single grain scotch whiskey has been aged for three years and will only set you back about 6 dollars for 12 ounces of Scotchy goodness. It’s a pity that Ron Burgundy couldn’t get his hands on this stuff in his day, because it is out of this world. The only downside to this wonderful invention is that once you open it, it stays open. As they say, “Once you pop, the fun don’t stop.” I have heard that Scottish Spirits has a removable cap in the works, but this accessory has yet to become available at our local liquor stores. That is why I recommend you share with someone, whether it is a friend or a complete stranger; either way, you will soon become best pals as you sip this delicious spirit.
There you have it: the top three picks for all you frugal whiskey connoisseurs. I hope you have found it enlightening and can now make informed decisions on your next trip to Weber. Remember, always drink responsibly and don’t be afraid to ask: is it whiskey?
Nate Ostlie, Staff Writer