OCT 3, 2024 | FEATURES | By Anonymous
Disclaimer: I am not a sex addict. I am writing this column for the benefit of others because this idea was meant to be shared with the world (Colorado College).
Hi again readers,
This week, I want to focus on what happens after sex. And I’m not talking about the awkwardness of having to put all your clothes back on and walk home, but how you might be treated by the very person you had sex with and the people who know you’ve had sex with them.
Weeks ago, I had sex with someone. In the moment, I was excited, but not even a couple hours later, I found myself being shamed. And at every party since, I have been shamed. So let’s talk about shame, since it’s so relevant in my life recently.
First of all, it takes two people to have sex. And if I remember correctly, you came, and I wasn’t even close. So why are you shaming me? Because after we had sex, I had sex with someone else? Oh no! Here’s a piece of advice for next time: if you don’t want a girl to have sex with another person after you: MAKE HER CUM! Even offering is better than nothing. I truly urge you to take that advice.
Shame is associated with numerous words and feelings, specifically the word “easy.” A great word, honestly, except when it’s used in the context of a person. I have been called “easy” so many times at college, and I keep trying to figure out why it bothers me so much. My “friend,” the one it’s complicated with, raised the following question: “If you are so sex-positive, why do you care if people shame you and call you easy?” That was, in fact, exactly what I didn’t want to hear, so I started crying. Thanks for that. Once again, thanking God for my roommate who reminded me later, “Just because you’re sex positive doesn’t mean you need everyone knowing who you’ve had sex with, especially if they are gonna talk about it in a degrading way.” Ugh, so true!
When I called my mom to bitch and get some more answers to my question, she said: “Well, you have a very healthy and open view about sex, and a lot of people don’t have that.” That has been made very clear to me recently, ever since my “friend” didn’t even want to read my column because he “doesn’t support the idea.” We literally have sex, and you can’t read a damn column once a week?
On Monday my sister called and asked me: “Why did Dad just call me and ask if you had sex with three guys in one night?” Clarification from my last article: I did not. So I called him and explained that wasn’t true, and he told me to call my other sister because apparently she thinks I’m the “world’s biggest slut,” (thanks for putting that lightly, Dad).
Ultimately, shame is a way for someone to degrade you. Everyone can do it, even your own family (out of the kindness of their hearts of course). I only take mild offense when they shame me, but if it’s someone else, it is not okay. I encourage you to stand up for yourself and be confrontational. Hopefully, I will get shamed less because when I confronted him (the guy who never even offered to make me cum and has been shaming me since we had sex), we agreed to ignore each other.
These are my last words to you (for the week): sex is not shameful, and if you are being shamed, it is not a reflection on you, but instead, of the person who is shaming you.
Please remember to always practice safe sex between you and your partner!
If you or anyone you know is suffering from sexual violence or harassment please reach out.
National Sexual Assault Hotline: 1-800-656-4673
Campus Safety Emergency: (719) 389-6911