OCTOBER 31, 2025 | ARTS & ENTERTAINMENT | By Megan Burich and Haley Outwater
Hello loyal readers. We hope the first week of third block treated everyone well. It did not treat us well. From Haley’s suspected fractured patella to Megan’s tumultuous love life, the babes were struggling this week.
Our bodies were bruised and battered, as were our souls. Our condition led us to look for a strong IPA, rejecting anything less than 5%. We chose South Parks Brewing’s Grapefruit IPA, with an unknown mystery percentage. Our intuition and the aggressive hops told us this was over 5%.
This IPA was solid. Asta described this as like eating a grapefruit, rind and all, and we agreed, it had a bitter taste. This beer did not disprove Haley’s insistence that every hoppy beer we try tastes like plastic, but that’s ok. We are starting to think this might be a Haley issue.
Megan aimed to increase the enjoyment of the beverage by claiming this treacherous beer was better in a glass, yet chose the worst option of drinking it out of a metal cup (thank you brainchild of Aiden McLean, ‘26).
In terms of the chug, we didn’t. Heart. Megan surprisingly finished before Haley, probably because Haley kept missing her mouth (we question if this was done intentionally to avoid having to drink the beer). The pitchers at Tony’s kept us well fed and it was overall a stimulating night sponsored by an unstimulating IPA.
We know this beer got us good because as we’re reading back through our notes, we genuinely don’t remember what half of them meant. So if anyone can give us insight into what “Fibonacci sequence is on the mind,” and “hamster wheel for zyns” mean, that would be greatly appreciated.
Listening to John Summit while drinking this beer provided an interesting experience—one akin to that of a frat boy party. The beer was a great pregame to a Friday Tony’s moment, where Fiona and Megan smoked some men in pool.
The combination of this beer and a Modelo mini pitcher did NOT end up well for Megan. She did in fact end up throwing up in the Tony’s bathroom like a real townie, and an older woman rubbed a cold towel over her axillary nerve. Definitely a Friday night experience!
This beer did pair well with crafting our senior year bucket list (highlights include a rodeo and a visit to every bar downtown) and the salmon Megan was eating while drinking this. We definitely do not recommend a fish dinner with this IPA. Genuinely, this beer got us fucked up and that’s a plus in our book. South Park Brewing will hopefully get our business in person this year in Old Colorado City.
We hope everyone has a fun weekend like ours. Maybe it was the Tuesday, Wednesday, Friday, Saturday drinking schedule that created such an eventful weekend. The fall chill and the upcoming Halloween holiday is keeping us going in these dark times, along with high percentage IPAs. Love you guys, see you next week.