FEB 20, 2025 | OPINION | By Asa Gartrell
Today, we take the burger to its logical extreme. Deconstructed and stripped of its usual context, the idea of the hamburger may be all that remains: that robust, densely gathered force that turns you away from the menu’s catalog of miserly fare. I’ve been sitting on this experience for some time, unsure of how to square it with the hoard of sandwiches I’ve enjoyed since beginning this column. At long last, I lay down my naked impressions of the efrutti Sour Mini Burger.
I originally purchased the little fella on an impromptu perusal through Nelson, British Columbia, and promptly pocketed it for later diversion. Fast forward a month to a cool walk on a Colorado Springs evening with that special kind of mountain breeze that drives the hungry like moths toward the glow of the tavern and the promise of grub. My dame and I hastened into a pizzeria and enjoyed their culinary take on Italian neorealism, replete with trapezoidal ’za and a rabbit load of arugula. As the bill arrived and I reached for my plastic, I felt the familiar crinkle of the Sour Mini. I knew it was time.
I popped the little gemstone into my mouth, and a thought rumbled through me: By god, what remains of the sandwich when you eliminate the… saveur?
Mmm! Powdery, forgiving, and delightfully citric, it took a full two minutes to grind the slugger down. The flavor, while having little in common with its namesake, was pleasing to the last, leaving a treacly and provocative hum on my licker. Sour enough to entice, but not to pucker. I was shocked to find it somehow bore a resemblance in tang and chew to their mini pizza gummy. But aren’t those moveable layers charming! The candy exemplified a perfect anatomical diagram of the burger, clearly built upon the unfaltering foundation of their Original Mini Burger. The ersatz unit managed to retain the puff and hand feel of its model, all while rousing a tongue beaten to submission by the weighty stodge of pastas and pies. Consider me a fan.
On the whole, I’d liken this friend to a child’s ride-on toy Jeep: if you’re looking to save some scratch and enjoy the thrills of the fast lane without incurring the risks, the efrutti Sour Mini Burger is for you. Still, keep an eye on that Red 40 intake. My
best to you and yours.
