DEC 12, 2024 | FEATURES | By Anonymous and a special anonymous guest writer!
Disclaimer: I am not a sex addict. I am writing this column for the benefit of others because this idea was meant to be shared with the world (Colorado College).
Most of us at college have roommates—whether you’re rooming in a double in Loomis or living in shared apartment-style housing, walls are thin and space is limited. Yet, we are also over two thousand late-teenagers and early twenty-year-olds on a campus where hookup culture is extremely prevalent, and for the most part, it is embraced. We are willingly “sexiled,” and we pretend not to hear the sounds from the other side of the Mathias walls.
And yet, can we say the same for going solo? We rarely hear people on this campus talk openly about masturbation or even in general outside of CC. When I first touched the great unknown, I thought I was a monster because it is so tabboo (let’s make it known!). And getting to college, where I assumed everyone had masturbated before, I was shocked at the number of people who have never attempted it. “I don’t know what to do,” and “I don’t know what I’d like.” These are the same friends desperate to have sex for the first time.
Before having sex with a partner for the first time, it is imperative that you know what you like, in order to have a good experience. The best (and arguably only) way to do so is through masturbation—learning what turns you on, what feels good, and what ultimately makes you come. As someone who has had many experiences with sex and different sexual partners, I have only ever come once during sex, and it was fairly recent with the guy it’s no longer complicated with. (I miss you. Or do it again, pleaseeeeee?) This isn’t because I have never masturbated before but because the things we find pleasurable are ever-changing and an important aspect of sex is feeling comfortable with your partner.
Though using just your hands is perfectly adequate for some people, the right vibrator can be a game-changer to how you feel with your body and pleasure. To echo every advertisement, a ‘bullet’ is perfect for beginners who may be uncomfortable with the idea of using a vibrator. It’s discreet—roughly the size of a thumb—and used primarily for clitoral stimulation. It’s not meant for penetration but, as we’ll discuss next, that is hardly a criterion for pleasure.
The ‘dual vibrator massager’ (I love you) is my personal favorite, as are many others as it’s described as a ‘fan favorite.’ It also happens to be how I figured out that coming from penetration alone is uncommon for most women. According to the NIH, less than 20% of women can orgasm from penetration alone. The majority of women need another form of stimulation, such as clitoral or nipple stimulation, in order to experience an orgasm. The dual vibrator massager has one internal arm that penetrates you and provides internal stimulation. While the external arm is made to rest on your clitoris and provide external stimulation (PlusOne please sponsor us!)
A common fear for vibrator-curious people is that it will numb the area or desensitize the clitoris. This is untrue: in a similar way that having sex often does not increase the size of the vaginal opening over time, there is no evidence that using a vibrator will create a lasting numbing effect on your vulva. Some vibrator users report a minor lack of sensitivity to the clitoris immediately after masturbating, but this sensation (or lack thereof) should go away quickly.
While vibrators can dramatically change your relationship with pleasure and the way you feel about your body, it may also have some negative effects on your sexual experiences with partners. In no way am I trying to discourage the use of vibrators, we love ours, but sometimes it can create a false reality that your partner will make you come. I know that when I first started having sex, I was a little shocked that it wasn’t as good as I expected, but in our opinion there’s truly no better way to do it than doing it yourself.
And I didn’t realize there was such a vast difference between having an orgasm from masturbation versus your partner making you come. When the guy it’s not complicated with made me orgasm, I had to text my friend because I didn’t know what happened. She confirmed that the two are very different. An orgasm from masturbation feels instant. You can clearly identify the climax and know specifically when it’s over. However, when someone else makes you come, it can last longer and be less intense. Regardless of their differences, they both feel amazing (a feeling I hope everyone, who wants to, can experience).
So, while you’re home for winter break or in the dorm by yourself, or even have time alone for an hour or two, we encourage you to venture into your pants and get to know yourself. You can do as little as taking a mirror and looking at your vulva or as much as sticking your fingers into your vagina: whatever makes you feel comfortable.
For recommendations on vibrators and other sex information, don’t hesitate to contact Sex and CC through The Catalyst!
catalyst@coloradocollege.edu
Please remember to always practice safe sex between you and your partner!
If you or anyone you know is suffering from sexual violence or harassment please follow these resources.
National Sexual Assault Hotline: 1-800-656-4673
Campus Safety Emergency: (719) 389-6911