This series features writing from inmates at the El Paso County Jail. The articles stem from weekly programming facilitated by the Colorado College Prison Project. Through contact between the CC community and Colorado Springs, this series aims to simultaneously broaden the CC perception of incarceration issues and provide a platform for incarcerated writers. The El Paso County Sheriff’s Office requires approval of written material prior to publication and the removal of authors’ last names.
By DEMETRIUS
I messed up but it is what it is,
Now Internet and TV are raising my kids.
As I sit here locked up doing this bit,
Was I brainwashed into thinking
It is what it is?
It’s already sad and seems like a fad
That in my culture a lot of kids
Come of age without a present dad,
Just like I had.
But it is what it is.
Unfortunately, I can’t be there to show,
But I want my kids and others to know
That Internet and social media are mostly a show
And though the influence may be
powerful,
Don’t take it personal.
It is what it is.
Or maybe that’s how I wanted to be
Because I wanted to live like I saw on TV.
Subconsciously I knew that was not likely,
But it is what it is.
Right now, my truth hurts
As this place tries my self-worth
And so did I when I chose to get high
And sometimes cheat to get by,
But it is what it is.
They say after the darkest nights are the brightest days
And to each their own how you make your way.
Sad it took this for me to truly say
An honest day’s work for an honest day’s pay.
It is what it is.
White collar criminals can steal millions,
Pedophiles and priests can rape children
And not get half the time I was given
And still they say there’s nothing wrong with our system?
It is what it is.
Still you look at me and call me a thug
But I wasn’t one who partied a lot with drugs.
I was after the money
Because I grew up teased for looking bummy.
But it is what it is.
Every day I thank God I’m still living —
Many like me end up dead or in prison.
No bad intention, just played the cards I was given.
My financial assistance and inheritance was missing,
But it is what it is.
Turn my life around is what I want to do.
This is tough when people are told not to trust you.
I know inside I’m mostly to blame
But for me the opportunities were never the same.
It is what it is.
After doing my time am I less of a man?
Turn my life around I know I can,
I’m not a bad guy.
At an interview they say they understand,
But after the background check the word felon says I am?
It is what it is.
Just trying to share my story with whoever will listen,
Because where I come from this is the main reason fathers like me are missing.
Nothing would change if I sat there just hoping and wishing.
It was all misplaced ambition chasing a better living,
But it is what it is.